I am not gonna set myself up for failure by making resolutions outside of my comfort zone - every year the same old stuff comes up, go back to the gym, become more organised, stay in touch with people more, read more books etc etc ad infinitum. Every year I dissapoint myself, usually by 3rd January! Thats not happening anymore. Instead my only resolution is to try my best to find some inner peace - not in a hippy/trippy kind of a way, but by trying to put some of my inner demons to rest, finally. For until I attain the ability to achieve that, I will not be able to begin the journey back to "normality" (whatever that is) That is a big enough resolution for me in my present state of mind.
The last day of 2011 has been pretty quiet, which is what I wanted. My son, now 18 (where did those years go??) is out with his lovely girlfriend and not expected back until tomorrow. He's doing well, he's on an apprenticeship at Alstom Power, drives a nice car, takes care of his appearance, goes to the gym, has a wide circle of friends, has travelled a lot and enjoys his life. But he's definitely flying the nest. Am I sad? I think so - this damn medication has suppressed my emotions so much I can only guess at how I would have felt before I started it. There again, if he was not forming relationships and making his way in the world, that would be worrying too. So - if he wants to please his mum on this one, he's between a big rock and a very hard place!!
It was an eventful walk in the park today with Baldrick. The weather wasn't bad at all for the last day of December and he decided it was time for a swim and a roll in the reeds!! The pond was alive with birds, ducks, gulls and fish. I took my last photos of 2011 there. A couple of Herons were sitting in a tree, waiting patiently for a catch. Not in a million years would these pics win any awards - the lighting was poor and I had to use full zoom - the background was chaotic (they were sitting in a tree bereft of leaves!) and there wasn't a clear angle to shoot them from. But I thought they were really beautiful birds and I enjoyed taking the pics. And that is my aim for 2012. To be content and to appreciate what is around me. Happy new year x x
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